Christmas Job
by AmbiKitty
Summary: Cid and Nanaki, or Red XIII, get jobs on Christmas Eve. Funnier than it sounds. Major alcohol, some foul language, and minor rocket launcher usage. Please R&R.


My friends and I thought this idea up when we were at the café at our college one day. It sounded like such a random, crazy idea…so I got really sugar high and wrote it! I had this story under a different pen name, but I changed it and also some of the story.

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING. Nothing at all mentioned in this is legally mine…not even the rocket launcher… If I did own anything in this, I'd be much happier.

Please R and R. No flaming, please and please enjoy!

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Christmas Job

Christmas comes but once a year, and during that time, people tend to put aside their differences and wish for peace and good will for others, if only for the Christmas season.

Yes, Christmas is a time for family and friends. It's a time for giving, as well as receiving, but beyond the well-wrapped presents and the bright Christmas lights, one must stop and consider: what is the greatest Christmas tradition?

For that answer, we turn to our good friend Cid. This year, Cid wants to get each of his good friends a gift, instead of the usual cheap liquor and foul language, which he was so well known for giving year round, but sadly, our dear friend Cid had squandered all his savings on himself and had none left to buy gifts for anyone else.

Desperate for money, he went in search of employment. Eventually, his search was over, unfortunately, that meant doing one of the last things he would have wanted to do.

Nanaki, a.k.a. Red VIII, having nothing better to do with his time and having no real use for money, accompanied his friend, to carryout the humiliating task of playing Santa, as Cid would help Nanaki in his own shopping for Christmas, in exchange for what was left of Nanaki's paycheck.

Which leads us to the local mall, where eager children await to sit on 'Santa's' knee and tell him what they want under their tree, come Christmas morning. And there just so happened to be a 'cute and cuddly reindeer' to further draw the hoards of children, to the poor, over-stuffed man.

And so our story opens, at the mall, with one Nanaki, who was dressed to look like one of Santa's reindeer, one Cid in a red suit, fake beard and belly, sitting on a velvet-lined chair, and one bright-eyed, young girl upon his knee:

**Mall - Christmas Eve - 5:00PM **

"…and I wanna pony, and a dolly, and…" the little girl said.

"Hohoho. Okay, okay, little one, I think you've wished for enough from Santa. Now smile for the camera, like a good little girl, so another good little boy or girl, can come and talk to me." Cid said in an obviously forced, cheery voice.

"Aww…!" the little girl whined.A woman elf held up a camera. "Okay! Smile!" The little girl and Cid smiled at the woman, as she snapped a picture.

"Okay, now. You be a good girl and I'll see what I can do about all those toys, okay?" Cid said.

"Okay, Santa." Nanaki took the little girl off of 'Santa' and took her to where her mother was waiting. "Bye, Santa!" The little girl called out, as she waved to him and he waved back.

…_Good-for-nothin', little brat… _Cid thought.

While Nanaki was saying good-bye to the little girl and was talking to the next young child to come and talk to 'Santa', Cid pulled a small flask, which was undoubtedly filled with some kind of alcohol, from what seems out of nowhere, and snuck himself a quick drink. _Damn it. I'm never gonna fuckin'' make it through this._ Cid thought, but kept smiling, for the sake of the children, if not for his paycheck.

The next child was a little boy, who was rushed over and placed on 'Santa's' lap, by 'Santa's' furry, little helper; who actually wasn't all that small.

"Here's the next child, Santa." Nanaki said.

"Hohoho! And what's your name, young man?"Cid cheered.

The boy stared up at Cid.

"Hohoho! Don't wanna tell Santa you name, huh? Okay then, just tell Santa what you would like for Christmas?" Cid was desperate now.

The boy continued to gape up at Cid.

_Gonna be one of those nights, isn't it? _Cid thought.

For the next five minutes, Cid continued to struggle, in getting the boy to say something. No such luck.

**Mall - Christmas Eve - 7:00 PM**

In the last hour, our friend Cid had helped himself to his flask twice, with no one seeming to notice. The children wouldn't understand what he was doing, but if the woman 'elf' caught him drink on the job, he'd be fired, so he was quick with sneaking his drinks and he only took a drink when he really needed it.

_Damn. I'm sure glad this job's only for the night…_ Cid looked up at the crowd of children and spotted a few familiar faces. _Great. Just what I fuckin' needed_.

Tifa had brought Marlene and Denzel to see Santa. Cid glared at the young brunette, as she just waved and smiled at him._Who the fuck told her about us being here?! _Cid yelled to himself.

Nanaki led young Marlene over to Cid and helped her get up onto Cid's lap.

Cid immediately put on a happy face. "Well, hello, there! What's your name, little girl?" _I'll bet the fuzz ball said something._

Marlene: "But Santa, shouldn't you already know my name?"

Cid looked up to see Tifa, who was giving a look that told him to not ruin Christmas for the children…or else. "Well, I-I was just playing with you, Marlene!"

Marlene's eyes lit up. "You DO know my name!" Marlene hugged him.

_Oh, for the love of-! She damn well better not find that flask! _"Okay. Well. So, Marlene, what would you like Santa to bring you this Christmas?"

"Um…" Marlene thought for a moment then smiled up at him. "I want all my friends to be able to spend Christmas together and I want…I want Cloud to be able visit us more often."

_Should have known… _"Well, Marlene, you've been a very good girl this year, so I'lldo my best to make your Christmas wish come true, okay? Now, smile for the camera, like the good, little girl you are."

The woman elf took their picture and handed it to Tifa, who smiled.

"Thank you, Santa!" Marlene hugged Cid and jumped down, walking back to Tifa and Denzel, with Nanaki.

Cid took another small drink from his flask and then put it away. _…It had to've been Barret… Damn you Barret! __Wait, he hasn't been around here for weeks. Damn it!_ Cid figured that the next child, who was walked over, to him was Denzel. Tifa had mentioned him once or twice.

_Damn you, Tifa…_ Denzel got up on Cid's knee. "And what would you like for Christmas, young man?"

Denzel Shrugged. "Nothing, I guess. I only came, because Marlene and Tifa wanted to come. …You know, you smell like Tifa's bar or something."

"…Now, let's not get into who smells like what…and, you're here, so why not tellme what you would like for Christmas?" Cid said.

Denzel thought for a moment. "Well. I guess I'd like to get a rocket launcher or something. Just incase another one of those monsters attack town again, but Tifa says I'm too young to have anything like that…"

Cid stared at Denzel for a moment. "Good God, boy! …That's a brilliant idea! Lady Elf! Get this boy some candy canes!"

"Really? Cool."The lady handed Denzel a handful of candy canes, while looking at Cid, like he were a mad man. Little did she know, he wasn't JUST a mad man, he was usually a DRUNKEN mad man.

"Now, you take those and I'll see about that roc-I mean the weap-…I'll see what I can do, okay?" Cid said.

"Okay." Denzel nodded.

The lady took their picture and Denzel jumped down.

"Bye, Santa!" Denzel waved good-bye to Cid.

Denzel walked back to Marlene, who was excited to receive a candy cane. Tifa, however, heard what Cid had said, and so bent down to talk to Nanaki.

Cid was too busy with his flask, to pay attention to what she may have said, so when Nanaki came and stood next to him, he was a little surprised. "Um, Santa? Tifa has asked me to give you a message." "Yeah? So what's the message?" Cid quickly put his flask away.

"She said, 'we'll talk later'." Nanaki said and walked off to get the next child.

Cid paled as he looked up to meet Tifa's death-glare. _Damn! Great! Just great! After all I've done in my life, NOW I'm going to die!_

**Mall – Christmas Eve – 7:00 PM**

There were hardly any children left in the mall and Cid had all but finished three of his ten flasks and had almost fallen asleep several times. Nanaki had to poke him a couple of times to wake him up.

Nanaki: "I can't take much more of this…why did they even put me in a Sweater…? I'm already covered in fur…"

"Quiet, fuzz ball…" Cid groaned.

Nanaki poked Cid in the gut with his paw. "Wake up. Just a few more hours."

"He, fur. he, ball…" Cid took another drink from his flask.

Nanaki eyed the flask. He looked over at the woman elf, to find that she was flirting with some young man. _…Eww. _he thought and sat down at Cid's side.

Nanaki cleared his throat. "Um, Cid? If you don't what those flasks of yours to be found out about, I suggest you share some of its contents."

Cid stared at the large, cat-like creature; or rather, the TWO large, cat-like creatures that sat before him. "…What…?"

"Give me some!" Nanaki yelled.

"Haha! The kitty wants some, too, huh? Well, why didn't you say so? Wait. Are you even old enough to be drinking?" Cid asked.

"I'm older than you!" Nanaki growled.

"Oh, yeah, I guess you are…well then, here ya go, fuzz-ball! Bottoms, up!" Cid tilted the flask over and let some of the liquid to pour into his friend's mouth.

After Nanaki swallowed the drink, he shook his head a bit, as he wasn't used to the taste of alcohol.

"Hehe…too much for ya?" Cid laughed.

Nanaki gave a small burp. "No. I'll be fine…"

A woman and a young boy came up to them. "Excuse me. Is Santa still seeing kids?"

Nanaki sighed and moved to go to the woman and child.

"You bet I am! Hehe. I'm ALWAYS seeing kids!" Cid half yelled.

The woman stared at him for a moment. "Uh, that's okay, never mind." The woman practically dragged her son away.

Cid thought he had heard the woman say the word 'sicko' under her breath. "I'm not a sicko!"

"She didn't say anything…" Nanaki groaned.

Cid looked at his friend. "Oh. Well. I'm still not a sicko!"

**Mall – Christmas Eve – 9:00 PM**

Nanaki went back to Cid's side. He looked to see that nobody was looking. He nudged Cid a bit. "So…how much of that stuff do you have, anyway?" he askedCid smiled as he looked over at him. "My large, furry friend…" He pulled a fresh flask from the inside of the pillow that was serving to make him appear fatter than he really was. "…Let's just say that I never leave home unprepared."

"So, share the wealth." Nanaki said.

"Sure, why not?" Cid pulled another flask from his pillow. "Now, be sure to hide this somewhere. Wouldn't want to get into trouble, now would ya?"

Nanaki shook his head as he took the flask from the half-drunken Santa beside him. He managed to hold the flask up to Cid, as if to toast to him. "Cheers, Cid."

Cid held up his flask. "Cheers, fur-ball!"

They each downed half of their flasks.

**Mall – Christmas Eve – 8:30 PM**

For the last hour, not a single child came to see them, so Cid and Nanaki enjoyed themselves, by drinking the time away.

Nanaki lay on his side, next to Cid. "It's a -hic- good thing that you humans can -hic-'t smell as well as -hic- I -hic- can, huh? -hic-"

"Aaah…whadda the three of ya know? …Jus' be quiet and lat me listin' ta da music, awright?" Cid leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

Nanaki attempted to look up at Cid, but couldn't seem to, so he lay back down. "There isn't any -hic- music playing, Cid…" He groaned a bit.

Cid opened his eyes. "Dhere's not…? …Wall, tha' should be… -hic- This here's a MALL, for rice sakes! Hehe. Rice sakes, rice cakes…"

Cid's outburst sent him into a fit of laughter, which in turn, caused Nanaki to join in.

A man approached them. "Okay, the mall's about to close an-what is that smell?!"

"Ah…? Oh. That. Yeah, som lil snot-nosed brat, SHIT thamselves!" Cid started laughing again. Nanaki, too.

The man stared at them. "…Rriiight. Anyway, here's your paycheck, you two. You're free to go, now. Drive safe and have a Merry Christmas." The man handed Cid the checks and walked away.

"Wood ya look at dat? They jus' paid us to sit on 'r asses and jus' get DRUNK!" On the word drunk, Cid threw himself over the arm of the chair, to look down at Nanaki. "Whadaya say -hic- we gat outta here? -belch-"

Nanaki managed to get to his feet. "Sure thing…uh, I don't, I don't feel so good…"They headed for the exit.

**Mall Parking Lot – Christmas Eve – 9:00 PM (Yes, it took them that long for them to get out of there.)**

Cid and Nanaki finally got themselves to the controls of the Highwind.

"Cid. You're too drunk to pilot the Highwind. Give me the keys, I'll do it." Nanaki reached for the keys." Nah nah, I-I can do it…jus' as soon as I can get the wheel to stop dancin' around, that is…"

"There, you see? You're drunk. Give me the keys."

"Nah, it's okay…"

"No, it's not…"

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's not!"

Cid dangled the keys in front of Nanaki's face. "You want these keys, kitty kitty…? Hm? Go get'em!" Cid threw the keys. He thought he threw them hard, but they only went about a foot away from him and then dropped like a rock.

They both stared at the keys for a moment and then Nanaki walked over and picked them up off the floor. "Yeeahh...I'M driving." Cid grumbled as Nanaki started up the Highwind. "Here we go…"

**Tifa's Bar – Christmas Day – 8:00 AM**

Everything was quiet in the small bar, which was usually teeming with patrons. The children were upstairs, tucked away in there beds. Cloud had spent the night over and was asleep himself. Tifa, however, had gotten up early, to make breakfast. It would be another hour or so, before anybody else would wake up, so she took her time. Tifa went to open the front door, so that she could drink her coffee, as she stood and admired the freshly, snow-covered-streets, before the combination of children and cars ruined the perfect scene. She opened the door, only to find…

**Tifa's Bar - Upstairs – Christmas Day – 8:10**

Cloud was sleeping soundly in the bed that Tifa always lent him, when he stayed the night. Happy that he had such a warm, soft place to be on this day of days, he sighed and snuggled into the warm, familiar bed even more. A sudden loud scream woke him from his state of peace. The scream had come from down stairs and sounded like Tifa.

Cloud immediately jumped out of bed, he ran downstairs, completely forgetting to grab up his sword on the way.

"Tifa! Wha-" Cloud stopped next to Tifa, as they gaped up at the Highwind, which had apparently crashed into the middle of the street, sometime during the night.

The Highwind's door flung open and two figures. One person looked like Santa, and the other, a reindeer, stumbled out. Santa held himself up, using the railing. The reindeer jumped down and made its way toward them toward them.

"Hey! Merry fuckin' Christmas everybody! Hey Tifa!" Cid held up, what appeared to be a rocket launcher. "I came to give this rocket launcher to Denzel! It's only go two more in it, but it's still good!"

"Is that Cid…?" Cloud asked.

The reindeer passed them, as it went into Tifa's bar. "I am never. Drinking. Again…"

Tifa looked after the 'reindeer. "And Nanaki…?

"…Why are they dressed like that…?" Cloud wondered.

As soon as Cloud finished talking, Cid flung his head over the side of the Highwind, puking his guts out, which caused him to drop the rocket launcher. The rocket shot out and collided with the roof of the neighboring house, exploding the place.

Cid lifted his head. "My bad!"

"Tifa? What's going on?"

Tifa and Cloud jumped at the sound of Marlene's voice, Denzel was coming downstairs behind her. Denzel was rubbing the sleep from his eyes, but stopped when he saw what was going on.

"…Uh, kids? Why don't you go get something to eat? In the kitchen. On the other side of the bar. Where you can't here anything from out here." Tifa urged.

"Um, okay." Marlene closed the door.

Tifa turned back toward Cid. "Cid! I'm gonna kill you!"

As Tifa ran off toward Cid, Cloud picked up Tifa's coffee mug and walked back inside, closing the door behind him. "I'd really hate to be him, right now."

Cloud went and had breakfast with the children, as Nanaki sat in a corner, with his head hanging over the side of a bucket, nursing his hangover. Occasionally, they'd hear yelling coming from outside, but Cloud said to just ignore it, saying that it was just the wind.

Nothing was going to ruin their Christmas together. Not even an unconscious Cid, a hung over Nanaki, a hole in the neighbor's house, and a large airship, that's crashed down in the street. And once Tifa got back inside from literally beating the crap out of Cid, they could all sit down and get back to having a relatively normal Christmas morning, of opening presents.

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Hope you enjoyed reading this, as much as I did writing it. Hopefully, there will be more stories to come. Please remember to review and have a merry Christmas!


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